In a press conference following her stint on Celebrity Big Brother UK, out pop star JoJo Siwa revealed that the moment actor and former boxer Mickey Rourke made her feel most unsafe never made it onscreen.

Rourke was removed from the show after making a series of homophobic comments to Siwa and for inappropriate conduct with other housemates. While a large portion of Rourke’s exchange with Siwa did make it into the series, Siwa explained what the audience never saw.

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After being asked to apologize in the show’s Diary Room, Rourke is seen on the show returning to the group and telling Siwa he likes “winding people up a bit” after she told him not to use offensive language in the future. He also criticized her for trying to “beat a dead horse.”

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But during a recent podcast appearance, Siwa said there was more to it.

“What happened was, he comes out of the kitchen and he comes up to me, and I start to explain why, you know, he can’t do that. Just to make amends, almost, so he knows why I’m feeling… And so I did, and he wanted nothing to do with it.”

“He said: ‘You’re gonna kick a dog while it’s down?!’ And I was like: ‘No, my god, no, like, that’s not the point at all, I just wanted you to know where I was coming from.’ Then that’s when Chris stepped in again, he was like: ‘No man, she’s just trying to say her feelings,’ whatever, then Mickey was like: ‘Well, I don’t really care about your feelings,’ and all this didn’t make it.”

“That’s what really tipped me over the edge,” she continued. “He then said to me: ‘I knew what I was saying, and that’s why I said it, I wanted to offend you, I knew it was going to offend you, and that’s what I want to do. I like poking at a bear.’ And none of that made it. So then, I stood up at the chair, and I was like: ‘Why would you want to say something that you think would offend me?’ And he said: ‘Oh, so now you’re gonna stand up and attack me.’”

“I sat right back down, I was like: ‘No, not my point at all, I just wanted to have a conversation with you.’ He said, ‘I don’t want to have a conversation with you,’ and he walked away. And that’s what shook me up. That’s when I went outside, took a second. I’m not upset that that didn’t make it to air, I don’t care, like, it was my experience and what happened, but that’s when I really broke.”

“I told Big Brother: ‘I don’t really feel safe around him, like, this is very scary now,’ my bed was next to his.”

“But then I realized that I can make an example out of this situation. Whether it be a good example or bad example, I’m going to make it my mission to realize where he’s coming from. Like, he’s not a good man, and I will stand behind that. He’s gross, he’s creepy, he doesn’t know right from wrong. But he’s also a hurt man, and I can have sympathy for him being a hurt man while also not condoning his behavior.”

Siwa also said she and her housemates referred to him as Voldemort.

Siwa’s queer identity was a major theme on the show. In one episode, Siwa was pressured into revealing that she is wrestling with her gender identity and may ultimately identify as nonbinary. She said she wasn’t ready to speak about it publicly because she still isn’t sure. Some fans were upset that she was made to speak about something so personal before she wanted to.

Later on, she declared that she no longer sees herself as a lesbian, but rather as queer. In a conversation with drag artist Danny Beard on the show’s livestream, Siwa jumps up and down with excitement and shouts, “I’m switching letters!”

“I feel, like, so queer, do you know what I mean?” she says. “I think that’s the thing, I’ve always told myself I’m a lesbian, and I think being here I’ve realized: ‘Oh, I’m not a lesbian, I’m queer,’ and I think that’s really cool.”

“F**k the L,” she added. “I’m going to the Q! That’s what I love about sexuality.”

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