Chasten Buttigieg never thought he’d be a dad. Growing up closeted in a conservative Catholic household, he could barely conceptualize finding a partner, let alone an entire family.

But in June 2015, the Supreme Court declared marriage equality the law of the land, and Buttigieg began to see the faint outline of a brighter future. For the first time, he considered his dreams and thought, “Maybe…”

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As fate would have it, that was also the summer he met a man named Pete, the summer he began a whirlwind love story that would catapult him into rooms he never thought he’d sit in and worlds he never thought he’d be a part of.

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“I never saw this coming,” he told LGBTQ Nation. “None of this, the politics, the writing, the parenting, the family, I didn’t see that when I was growing up.”

Rather, he couldn’t see that. There was nowhere to look.

Now, as the nation celebrates 10 years of marriage equality, Buttigieg maintains his steadfast commitment to being the out and proud role model he never had, to promote as much visibility as possible for the next generation, one that, in part due to the Obergefell ruling, is increasingly chock-full of LGBTQ+ families.

His new children’s book is part of that mission. Papa’s Coming Home is a culmination of all he began to manifest the day the justices made it known that queer families were as legitimate as any other in the eyes of the law.

The beautifully illustrated picture book tells the story of Jojo and Rosie, who are based on Buttigieg’s own twin toddlers, Gus and Penelope, as they prepare for their Papa to return from a business trip. Their other dad, Daddy, assists in their silly and kindhearted antics as they scramble to gather every possible item their Papa loves and bring it with them to the airport to pick him up.

The characters bear the likenesses of Buttigieg and his famous husband, the former Transportation Secretary and presidential candidate, who spent a lot of time away while working under President Joe Biden.

The book has been praised for joining the small but growing cohort of LGBTQ+ children’s stories in which the fact that the parents are queer is not the focal point.

“I didn’t set out to write a two-dad book,” Buttigieg said. Instead, he merely wanted to write “about unconditional love.” And in his family, unconditional love happens to look like two dads, two kids, and a one-eyed puggle named Buddy. 

Nourishment for the soul

As he takes the stage inside a small theater in Naperville, Illinois to discuss the book, Buttigieg’s energy is nothing short of electric. He sits forward in his chair, literally on the edge of his seat, as he dazzles the crowd with charm and wit.

You’d never guess it was already the eighth stop of his cross-country book tour. He speaks about the book with the vitality of someone revealing it to the world for the very first time.

The crowd, too, leans forward, enchanted by his chemistry with moderator and longtime friend, actress Bonnie Hunt. The entire event is filled with laughter, smiles, and a slew of sweet moments between Buttigieg and members of the audience. 

“It’s really nice to be joyful,” he said in our interview immediately prior to the event. “Like, we’re allowed to be joyful. If they rob you of that, that’s how they win.”

Indeed, the book has come at an incongruous time for LGBTQ+ rights. On the one hand, the GOP is doing everything it can to quickly and cruelly dismantle everything the movement has achieved, revitalizing a culture of hate in the process. 

On the other hand, there are more people than ever identifying as LGBTQ+. There are more resources available to queer and questioning young people today than there have ever been before, and massive numbers of non-LGBTQ+ Americans support equal rights and believe parents should unequivocally support their LGBTQ+ children.

In some ways, it is more dangerous to be out than it has been in a long time. In other ways, it is the best and freest time in history to be queer. 

“I’m not going to try to negate the things that are happening right now,” Buttigieg said, “but I do… think a lot of the backlash comes from a very vocal minority.”

The vitriol coming from GOP-led state legislatures and Washington D.C. doesn’t mean attitudes as a whole are trending backward, he said. “I think it means certain people in this country who already weren’t with us have been emboldened by people in positions of power to be the worst versions of themselves.”

Buttigieg says the book tour has been nourishing for the soul, reminding him that most people out there are good. Families of all kinds have told him how deeply their children connect to the story, whether their parents are LGBTQ+ or not. The book, after all, depicts a family that is not only same-sex but also interracial (Gus and Penelope are mixed race) and with adopted children. 

Most surprising to Buttigieg, he has been thanked repeatedly for writing a book that normalizes parents who travel for work.

“I just didn’t anticipate that… It’s been great to see that resonating with families of all structures.”

Penelope and Gus, he said, have relished in literally seeing themselves on the page. “We have some great books with kids that look like them,” he said, “but we don’t have any books with a family that looks like ours, and that’s really special.”

Laughing, Buttigieg says he’s been called out repeatedly for the “just say yes” mentality the daddy embodies in the book, where he continues to help his children carry out their increasingly over-the-top ideas on what they should bring to the airport to greet their Papa.

It starts with a colorful sign but quickly expands to a seven-layer cake, his slippers, the dog, his books, and even his bicycle. Throughout, the daddy continues to praise the kids for how thoughtful they are and seems unbothered by how long it takes to load up the car before the group heads out.

That, he jokes, is the beauty of fiction. Of course, that level of accommodation couldn’t happen in real life, he admits, but what the story tries to do is celebrate the creative musings of children.

“It is important as parents that we slow down and we enjoy the things that come out of their mouths sometimes… Isn’t it great to have this example of a parent that says, ‘Yes, I love that, he’s gonna love that too.’”

“Obviously, there’s a fine line in parenting… but I think it’s a great example of this dad slowing down and being grateful for the kindness that his kids are showing their other dad.”

He also loved inserting slices of their family’s life into the story, like Pete’s love for stinky cheese and the kids’ habit of hanging up signs around the house.

Those little things, he said, feel especially sacred since Pete returned from his stint in D.C. They’ve since been soaking up time as a family of four, from swim lessons to bike rides and park visits.

“Five nights a week is so special,” Buttigieg said, “and I hate when people say it goes by so fast. I’m so afraid, I don’t want to miss it. I wanted this for so long, and I don’t want to miss out.”

A twinkle in his eye

At the Naperville stop on his tour, Buttigieg makes it clear his husband is not the only charismatic one in the family or the only one who can command a room. He has no interest in maintaining distance between himself and the audience. He keeps the mood light, making jokes when a cell phone rings or a baby cries – and he can’t help but interact with the crowd.

Despite the initially formal structure of the event in which audience members were asked to submit questions in advance, he gave the small number of kids in attendance the opportunity to raise their hands and ask him anything. One asked his age, another his favorite food, and a third wondered if he’d tell stories about his dog. He treated each child as seriously as he would an MSNBC correspondent, thanking them for their question as he answered with gusto.  

Buttigieg said the constant joy has by far been the best part of this tour, and while he prefers to focus on that, he doesn’t mince words when asked by an attendee about the rhetoric coming out of D.C. today. “What [these politicians] actually are are influencers,” he said, “who pick a fight to go viral and say they’re victims and raise money.” 

He spoke about allyship, about how it’s time for more people to speak up for librarians and teachers who have been on the frontlines of this needless crusade, bearing the brunt of the GOP’s book and bathroom bans, Don’t Say Gay laws, and forced outing policies.

Active allyship, he said, requires action, and he implored people to ask themselves, “When it comes to the title ‘ally,’ have I given it to myself or have I earned it?”

Buttigieg is certainly earning his keep as an activist. Having now written a children’s book and two memoirs – one for youth and one for adults – his influence now spans every generation.

So now what?

JoJo and Rosie’s adventures will continue, he said. Additionally, he may soon be putting his background in theater to use. He’s thinking about a live performance, he says, hinting at a possible one-man show.

The project, he told the crowd, is “just a twinkle in my eye right now, but I’ve been taking all the meetings. Because I do feel like there’s something I gotta say.”

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