In 2012, as same-sex-marriage cases swarmed state and federal courts in the lead-up to the Obergefell v. Hodges decision, North Carolinians Ann Willoughby and Barb Goldstein did their part to make marriage equality the law of the land.
The longtime companions had recently become involved with the Campaign for Southern Equality, and with two other couples tried to secure a marriage license at City Hall in Durham, “knowing we’d be turned down.” The action earned headlines in the Raleigh News & Observer, along with a large photo of the pair on the front page.
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“Speak up, be out and loud, resist publicly, and look for and support allies in decision-making positions.”
“Kind of scary at the time, as we weren’t ‘out’ that publicly,” Goldstein tells LGBTQ Nation. “Of course, all of our friends knew.”
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They’d already been together 30 years.
The couple met in 1981 in Saginaw, Michigan, where Willoughby was the volunteer coordinator for a local hospice and Goldstein was offering communication skills workshops for doctors and nurses. Ann was recently divorced and had five kids, three of whom were still teens at home.
“I had always been gay, Ann had always been hetero,” Barb says. It took a few months before their relationship moved “beyond platonic.”
A few years later, they moved to North Carolina to both attend the master’s degree program at the UNC School of Social Work. They spent the rest of their careers in various areas of psychotherapy.
Their advocacy for marriage equality made them a “poster couple” for the cause, one proving that same-
“When we met, I was 35 and she was 46. We’re now 78 and 89.”
Not content to wait for their home state to grant them the right to marry, the couple traveled to New York to mark 30 years together with a wedding.
This very week, Willoughby and Goldstein celebrate two anniversaries: 13 years married and 43 years together.
The photo the couple shared was taken on the campus at Duke University during Durham Pride in June, 2014.
“It was very exciting to be at Pride that day, as it was the first time we’d been there as a legally married couple. Everyone was happy, and if there were protestors, we didn’t see them. We visited many booths and displays that were set up, then watched the parade.”
Over their time together, Willoughby and Goldstein have seen lots of wins and losses in the fight for LGBTQ+ rights, from the AIDS crisis, to Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and its repeal, to marriage equality.
But Goldstein says today’s threats seem more dangerous.
“There are so many more people who are open about their sexuality and gender,” she says, “so there are many more targets, easily identified. That’s the consequence of being out, but also a better way to stand together. Sadly, it’s getting so much more acceptable to express prejudice and hatred.”
But, she reminds younger people, “There are many more supporters than there used to be, and we all must continue to persist. We must do everything we can to prevent losing the gains we’ve made.”
Asked what the favorite thing about her wife is — and vice versa — Goldstein says, “That’s tough. Because after all these years, we know so much about each other. For me, I think it might be Ann’s loyalty and commitment. And as I’m typing this, Ann echoes my feelings, saying, ‘your steady support.'”
“We’re just happy to have had all this time together,” says Goldstein, “and to still have each other’s backs.”
Pride in Pictures is LGBTQ Nation’s annual series celebrating Pride across the country. We asked our readers to send in their pictures and stories of Pride and we got so many rainbows. Keep an eye out for more heartwarming stories to get you ready for Pride Month 2025.
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