I never wanted to be a pastor. 

Yes, I know it may seem almost sacrilegious for a pastor and faith leader in the Christian tradition to admit. But it’s true. I never desired or sought after the title, even though I knew that someday I would be one. And even though I have been resistant to the idea, one thing I cannot deny – that I’ve been coming to grips with for the last year or so – is that I do have a pastor’s heart. And it is that pastor’s heart that sets the tone for my book, Faith Deconstruction For Dummies. 

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Much of my care is informed by my own experiences. My care is also informed by my years of faith leadership, including my time as the senior pastor of a small, non-denominational, Pentecostal-leaning ministry in the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia. 

I enrolled in the Master of Divinity program at the Candler School of Theology at Emory University for two reasons. First, I had very real questions about what I’d been taught from the Jesus story in its entirety. The second reason was that I needed to prove to those who claimed they saw something in me that I hadn’t quite seen in myself – a call to ministry – that they were wrong. 

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And by extension, I enrolled to prove God wrong. 

How could someone like me, a same-gender-loving Black cisgender male from the South, be called to do ministry? My very presence, as far as the church universal was concerned, was an abomination. What claim did I have to profess the good news of Jesus Christ in anyone’s pulpit? It didn’t help that someone dear once told me God didn’t hear my prayers. 

I carried that declaration with me for a long time. 

I left the church of my upbringing – the very place where my great aunt served as church secretary and my grandfather (and eventually my father) were eulogized – because I knew it wouldn’t be a safe space for me emotionally, spiritually, or culturally. Like Hagar, the Egyptian servant to Abraham’s wife, Sarah, I decided to take my chances in the wilderness rather than stay in a space that denied my humanity. But eventually, I returned to church and over the course of nearly a decade, became determined enough to boldly engage the questions I had about Jesus, God, faith, and the church universal. 

When I declared publicly that I believed Jesus’ humanity was more important than his divinity, I was encouraged to “go to seminary.”

Faith Deconstruction For Dummies is informed by my own deconstruction journey. It is also informed by my care for people and my understanding of the power and dangers of harmful theology rooted in Christian nationalism and fundamentalism, a theology that has historically run rampant in many of our churches, whether or not they claim to be affirming. 

What is faith deconstruction? It depends on who you ask. For me, it is the process of thinking critically about what you believe. In the book, I describe it this way: “For some, faith deconstruction is a critical examination of their faith and theology. Some deconstructionists describe faith deconstructing as weeding. When one deconstructs their faith, they take a deep look at not just their faith, but the influences of their faith understanding.”

Faith deconstruction isn’t anything new. For generations, there have been those whose work centered around pushing back against the harms of religious abuse, manipulation, indoctrination, and persecution, asking questions and providing a different perspective than what we’ve been conditioned to believe. In faith deconstruction, one re-examines the lessons, doctrines, traditions, and harmful theology they’ve been subjected to.

What I bring to the discourse is a lifetime of firsthand experience with harmful theology, and also the knowledge and awareness that religion isn’t all bad. It’s the people who have made it so harmful.  

And yes, there are those who deconstruct and completely denounce or walk away from the faith practice of their origin. But that’s not the case for everyone. For some, their faith is strengthened because of their deconstruction. It just depends on what weight and value you place on what you believe. Faith Deconstruction For Dummies is not an attempt on my part to take anyone’s faith from them. I made my intent clear when I was approached to do this book, and that’s still true today. People’s faith is near to them. People are sensitive about their faith. I honor that.

Faith Deconstruction For Dummies provides readers with suggestions for approaching their deconstruction journey, creates space for their questions, and offers a guide to assist them in their deconstruction and the process of deconstructing their faith. It also allows those often overlooked in certain conversations regarding deconstruction to see themselves in the pages because it’s written from the perspective of a Black, same-gender-loving, cisgender male preacher, born and raised in the South with extensive theological training. 

I’m simply trying to give people permission to do the things they haven’t been allowed to do: ask questions, investigate, and determine for themselves what they consider not just truth, but purpose. The rest of it is up to you and whatever or whoever you consider to be the divine. 

The Rev. Dr. Mashaun D. Simon (he/him/they) is a preacher/public speaker, award-winning journalist, author, lecturer, and thought leader. A native of metro Atlanta, he seeks to curate authentic spaces of belonging and empower others to achieve personal freedom and fulfillment. His book, Faith Deconstruction For Dummies, is available wherever books are sold. 

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