Sam Moehlig spent three years stuck in what his family called the “deep dark hole.”

Desperate to find a cure for his unhappiness, his mother, Kathie Moehlig, immersed herself in research. Eventually, she discovered the word transgender.

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When Sam Moehlig was 11, she approached him with that research and explained that “transgender” meant he could be a boy. Before Moehlig even finished speaking, Sam Moehlig threw himself at her, squeezing her in a hug and crying. 

“Yes, yes, I want that,” he told her. “I want that, Mom. That’s me.” 

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It was the first time he smiled in years. 

Moehlig has faced many tough decisions in her life, but – as she told LGBTQ Nation during a sit-down with the now-25-year-old Sam Moehlig – supporting her trans son wasn’t one of them

“As a person who’s in recovery, as a person who has been a life coach for decades, as a person who’s an ordained minister, being able to show up for people and see them for who they are, it’s just been my history.”

The wrong damn mama

Sam Moehlig describes himself as “not a pusher,” someone who does not stand up to authority figures. When doctors denied him treatment, he would have given up. But his mother did not accept the refusals. 

“You just said that to the wrong damn mama,” Moehlig said. 

She became his fiercest advocate, forcing the hand of Rady Children’s Hospital in San Diego to prescribe puberty blockers. 

“I wouldn’t have gone anywhere if it hadn’t been for the support of my family, especially my mom and her ‘don’t tell me no’ attitude,” Sam Moehlig said. “Ultimately, it saved my life.” 

Moehlig’s effectiveness at Rady, which opened a gender identity clinic in 2012 that sources have said still operates underground, earned her a reputation among other parents of trans children in San Diego. They began coming to her as a resource to help them navigate school, medical, and insurance settings. 

Moehlig recognized she needed an organization and official title to be taken seriously. So in 2015, she founded Trans Family Support Services (TFSS), formalizing her support network for trans families. 

Moehlig’s support to other parents extends well beyond teaching them to use affirming names and pronouns. She coaches them in how to navigate insurance, push recalcitrant doctors to treat gender dysphoria, and correct discrimination in schools. 

To Sam, a 16-year-old client at TFSS who is separate from Moehlig’s son, those lessons were lifesaving. When he came out at 10, mired in dysphoria with puberty looming, Sam and his mom attended a support group led by Moehlig. 

“It was a big part of the reason why I was able to get out of the depressive funk,” Sam said in a video commemorating the 10-year anniversary of the organization. 

Sam said the conversation was “insanely valuable” because it taught his mom how to manage the extensive bureaucratic barriers in place before one could obtain puberty blockers at a time when survival was Sam’s day-to-day concern. He credits TFSS with saving both his life and his relationship with his mom. 

“TransFamily Support Services ensures that your family can support you,” Sam said. “For trans kids, sometimes it’s not enough to be a loving parent.”

Motherhood as advocacy

Although still based in San Diego with a focus on trans people under 30, the organization has grown significantly in the past decade, serving California and beyond with a majority transgender staff. 

TFSS has served 7,000 trans people and their families across the nation, with its youngest participant at 3 years old and its oldest 88. No matter the age, Moehlig mothers them. 

“They’re all my kids. I have a sense of responsibility to every single one of the trans individuals,” she said. 

Because her public advocacy stems from motherhood, Moehlig has often been discounted. 

“There’s been many places where I’ve been looked at as just a mom,” Moehlig said. Those who underestimate her quickly learn she’s an effective leader who belongs at the table. 

In 2022, TFSS planned a queer family Halloween festival, Boo Bash, with trick-or-treating, a costume contest, and a Disney villain-themed drag show. At the height of anti-drag hate, the family-friendly show caught the attention of national right-wing media and spurred a social media hate campaign.

It was a tricky situation. Moehlig was torn between capitulating to the hate machine for the safety of attendees and standing firm in the conviction that all types of families should get to celebrate Halloween in an inclusive space. 

TFSS launched a GoFundMe to strengthen event security and organized a “Wall of Love” with other local LGBTQ+ nonprofits. Over a hundred volunteers surrounded the event entrance – blocking views and noise from 20 protesters across the street – so families could be greeted and cheered for as they entered. 

This October, the organization held its fourth annual Boo Bash. 

The road ahead

Not every fight has been successful. An Alabama chapter of TFSS closed after the lone on-the-ground employee felt too unsafe to continue in the wake of their unsuccessful campaign against the state’s ban on gender-affirming medical care for trans youth.  

The decision to fold was heart-wrenching and took Moehlig “forever,” even after staff members said it was necessary. 

TFSS pivoted to hosting virtual support groups for parents of trans children in the South, and fortunately, locals kept up the annual Alabama Trans Pride that TFSS had started.

Seeing the need for more political advocacy as other states attacked trans healthcare and trans youth in sports, Moehlig founded the Alliance for TransYouth Rights with other parents. 

“We sit in a place where we’re barely hanging on to the rights, and many of them we’ve already lost,” she said. “But I’m hopeful, I’m extremely hopeful, that we’re going to get it back. It’s gonna take time. It’s gonna take work. It’s gonna be hard, but we’re gonna get there.”

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