When LGBTQ+ people tell me they want to adopt, I always start with the same response: “Tell me what you mean by that.”

Not to challenge them, but to make it clear that adoption isn’t one path. There are several entirely different ones, each with its own process, costs, timelines, and realities. And one of the most common mistakes I see is people moving forward before they’ve been properly educated on all adoption options. Understanding these different paths early on can save you time, money, and emotional energy down the line.

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At GWK Academy, we often meet people who feel drawn to adoption but haven’t yet been introduced to how distinct the experiences can be depending on the path they pursue. Domestic infant adoption, adoption from foster care, and international adoption each operate within entirely different systems.

My goal isn’t to push anyone toward one path over another. It’s to help you better understand what each path actually looks like so you can move forward with clarity and direction.

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Domestic Infant Adoption: A process centered on the birth parent

Domestic infant adoption typically involves adopting a newborn in the United States. But one of the most important things to understand is that this path is often birth-parent-centered, especially in the early stages.

In many cases, expectant parents choose the adoptive family. But not always. Some expectant parents make an adoption plan after giving birth, and in some situations, the agency may play a larger role in selecting the family.

What remains consistent is that expectant and birth parents are central to the process. Their preferences – around openness, communication, and the type of family they envision – can shape how a match unfolds.

Today, most domestic infant adoptions include some level of openness, meaning there may be ongoing contact between the birth family and adoptive family over time. Research has shown that, when thoughtfully supported, open adoptions can benefit children, adoptive families, and birth parents alike – supporting identity development, emotional well-being, and a greater sense of connection. Of course, openness can look different for every family, and it often evolves over time.

Just as important as understanding the process itself is understanding who you choose to guide you through it. If you work with an agency, it’s critical to choose one that operates with clear ethical standards, transparency around costs and timelines, and a demonstrated commitment to supporting LGBTQ+ families. Not all agencies approach this work in the same way, and alignment here matters.

Within domestic infant adoption, there are two primary ways to move forward: working with an adoption agency or pursuing an independent (often attorney-led) adoption.

Both approaches can lead to the same outcome, but the experience along the way can look quite different.

Working with an adoption agency is the more structured and supported route. Agencies typically guide you through every stage of the process, including your home study, creating your profile, outreach to expectant parents, and coordinating communication and support throughout a match.

They also provide critical services to expectant and birth parents – counseling, case management, and ongoing support – which are essential to ethical, child-centered adoption practices.

Many families choose agencies because they offer a clear, guided process, provide matching services, support both adoptive and birth parents, and help navigate the emotional and logistical complexities of a match.

There is also a collaborative aspect to agency work. While agencies actively present families to expectant parents, many encourage prospective parents to do outreach of their own as well – sharing their profiles within their networks or communities. In that sense, families can both rely on the agency and contribute to their own visibility.

Independent adoption (working directly with an attorney) offers a different kind of experience – one that some families are drawn to because it can provide a greater sense of control over the process.

In these cases, prospective parents are typically responsible for identifying and connecting with an expectant parent on their own, with an attorney facilitating the legal aspects of the adoption once a match is made. In this model, your attorney and any professionals you bring in should also be experienced in LGBTQ+ family-building and operate with clear ethical and legal best practices.

Families who choose this route often do so because they want more direct involvement and control in finding a match and hope to reduce overall costs by not paying agency fees.

However, it’s important to understand what this path requires.

Without an agency, families take on the responsibility of outreach themselves – whether through personal networks, online platforms, or other forms of visibility. This can involve both time and financial investment, including marketing, advertising, or other efforts to connect with an expectant parent.

And in practice, many families find that these efforts can add up. It’s not uncommon for independent adoption journeys to end up costing as much as or more than working with an agency, particularly if multiple outreach efforts or disrupted matches occur.

The bottom line: this isn’t about one path being better than the other. It’s about understanding the trade-offs. Agencies offer structure, support, and shared responsibility. Independent adoption offers more control, but also more responsibility and uncertainty.

What to expect overall:

• Costs: $40,000–$60,000
• Timeline: 1.5–2 years after completing your home study and profile
• Legal considerations: Vary significantly by state, including revocation periods

Adoption from foster care: a child welfare system first

Adoption from foster care operates within a completely different framework: the child welfare system.

The primary goal of foster care is reunification, as in helping children safely return to their biological families whenever possible. Adoption becomes an option only when reunification is no longer viable.

This distinction matters. It means that when you enter the foster care system, you are stepping into a process designed first and foremost around the needs of the child, not the preferences of prospective parents.

Children in foster care are often older, part of sibling groups, and have typically experienced some form of trauma or instability. Families who pursue this path are typically open to a range of experiences and are prepared to parent with flexibility, patience, and support.

Because this path is managed at the state level, families must work with licensed agencies or departments authorized in their home state. It’s essential to seek out organizations that not only meet licensing requirements but also have clear nondiscrimination policies and demonstrated experience supporting LGBTQ+ families. It’s also critical to find ones that operate with ethical, child-centered practices and transparent decision-making.

What to expect:

• Costs: Minimal; many expenses are subsidized or reimbursed
• Timeline: Once approved, placements can happen quickly
• Training and preparation: Required and essential

International adoption: Structured but increasingly limited

International adoption involves adopting a child from another country, but it is also the most complex. For LGBTQ+ individuals and couples, it is also often the most restricted path.

Only a very small number of countries currently allow adoption by openly gay parents. Each country sets its own eligibility requirements, which can also change over time.

The process itself is highly structured. After completing a home study, families prepare a dossier – a detailed collection of documents that is submitted to the child’s country of origin. From there, families typically wait for a match through that country’s system.

Children placed for international adoption are typically those for whom no domestic adoption option has been identified after their country has pursued other permanency paths. Those considering this path may feel a personal or cultural connection to a specific country or a desire to provide a permanent, loving home to a child who might otherwise grow up in institutional care or long-term foster systems.

Given the complexity of international adoption, choosing the right agency or provider is especially important. Families should look for accredited organizations with a strong track record of ethical practices, transparency in fees and timelines, and clear experience working with LGBTQ+ clients.

What to expect:

• Costs: Often comparable to or higher than domestic infant adoption
• Timeline: 12–24 months after dossier submission
• Travel: Required in most cases

These paths are not interchangeable

One of the biggest misconceptions about adoption is that these paths are variations of the same experience. They’re not.

They differ in:

• Who drives decision-making
• What types of children are waiting
• How predictable the process feels
• What kind of preparation is required

And importantly, many prospective parents don’t choose a path all at once. It’s common – and often helpful – to explore more than one path simultaneously.

Where do you begin?

If you’re feeling unsure, that’s normal. Adoption is a series of informed steps—not a single decision.

Start by learning, reflecting on your priorities, and speaking with people who have lived these experiences.

You don’t need to have everything figured out before you begin. But the more clearly you understand what each path involves – and who you choose to guide you through it – the more confidently you can move forward.

At GWK Academy, we focus on helping LGBTQ+ people make sense of their options, understand the real-world differences between paths, and take those first steps with clarity and direction.

Adoption can be a beautiful way to build a family. But it’s not one-size-fits-all.

The more you learn, the more you’ll be able to identify not just what’s possible, but what truly aligns with you.

Visit GWK Academy today, and take your first step toward becoming a parent. We’re with you the whole way. And don’t forget to come back to LGBTQ Nation for monthly family-building insights and support from your friends at GWK Academy.

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